Take a Walk On the Right Side

Is it just me, or are human beings suddenly incapable of moving amongst themselves in an orderly and logical fashion?

It should go without saying, when one finds oneself pushing a cart down an aisle of the local grocery store that, in accordance with laws of order and generally accepted principles of human interaction, everyone — without exception — yes, every Tom, Dick, Harry; every schmuck and schmo; every Jack and Jill; everyone — relative to his or her location and intended direction of travel at any given moment — should advance along the right-most side of said aisle so as not to interfere with, obstruct or otherwise impede the forward progress of fellow shoppers.

Recently, my daughter came over for a visit after her shift ended at the restaurant. She'd had an interesting conversation with a co-worker.

"He asked me if I noticed that I often run into other waitstaff – literally – and I thought about it and said, 'Yeah, actually, I guess I do.'" She giggled.

The co-worker then explained to her that she tended to walk on the "wrong" side of an imaginary two-lane path; that if everyone always traveled along the right-hand side of the path, there would be far fewer people collisions, as well as people being forced to participate in the awkward dance to side-step each other.

It makes perfect sense after all. My own observation is that humans need rules or, better yet, established courtesies that help us function without chaos. See, there exists in this world a few too many individuals who are oblivious to the possibility that those around them might have more important things to do than worry about how they should navigate around inconsiderate human obstacles.

But the best-ever story about two people jostling for the right of way occurred years ago at the Lansing Mall. There, I witnessed the following:

Two women – strangers, both – were walking toward one another, each amicably chatting with her respective shopping buddy. Just before they were fated to collide, however, Woman A suddenly realized that she needed to change course, so she side-stepped Woman B. Clearly, she'd hoped to avoid making much ado about nothing ... except that the oblivious Woman B kept right on chatting, and she also tried to side-step ... in the same direction. She was so engrossed in her conversation, the awkward side-stepping between the two continued until Woman A got her britches in a bunch, put her hands on her hips and said, "Bitch, puh-leeze?!"

Woman B, aka "Bitch," was suddenly speechless (a relief, I'm sure, to all bystanders within earshot), which she demonstrated by the gaping hole that was now her mouth. Woman A, though irritated and abrupt, huffed and took a final sidestep to her right, and continued on her merry way as though nothing happened.

The moral of the story: Walk softly on your right, and carry a big attitude.