Tacos, Anyone?

Yesterday I invited Hännah over for homemade tacos.

"Tyler, too?" she asked hopefully, referring to her boyfriend of two years.

For the briefest second, I considered the question. Dane was out of town on business for the night, so Tyler's presence wouldn't present a conflict.

Let me explain.

Not long after they started dating, I'd made clear to them both that I would not allow him in her bedroom nor spend the night. I explained that Hännah's 9-year-old, impressionable sister watched everything she did and — like it or not — Hännah was a role model.

I woke up one morning several weeks later and found him sleeping half-naked in her bed.

"Pack up your shit, and get out!" I told him. Half an hour later, he was still in her room when Dane walked through the hallway.

"Hey, Dumbass," Dane said to Tyler, "Why are you still in my house? Didn't my wife ask you to leave?"

Which, of course, led to some banter between the two. Dumbass asked why they couldn't discuss the situation like two grown men, after all, "She's 19 years old, and that makes her an adult, doesn't it?"

"She's a 19-year-old child," Dane countered, "one who is still dependent on us, and as long as she lives under my roof she will obey our rules — and you? You aren't anything close to the definition of a man."

Let's just say it didn't end well. Coupled with the fact that Hännah mostly shared with us only the bad and idiotic things Tyler'd ever done or said, this new incident was the final straw. Dane felt disrespected in his own home, and hurt by our daughter's betrayal. To this day, he cannot stomach the mere mention of Tyler's name. In fact, when Hännah calls Dane from Tyler's phone, the call shows up on his phone as "Asswipe."

But my daughter's on her own now and, truthfully, her choice in boys and men has never been ours to control. I had always hoped that my own relationship with her step-father — whom she readily admits she loves because he has always treated her like his own daughter — would positively influence her standards. And, having experienced two mothers-in-law from Hell, I only want to support and accept her love interest. Essentially, I've always wanted my children to feel comfortable in our home — with or without their significant others.

So, in response to her request to invite Tyler for dinner, I said, "Sure!"

She can barely contain her glee as she turns to him and says, "My mom wants us to come over for dinner. She's making tacos." And without hesitation, Tyler cheerfully answered, "Yeah, that sounds good!"

I break the news to Dane with a text message. "Better we do it while you're still out of town, eh?" I asked.

He agreed, adding, "I keep forgetting that she's still with that loser. When is she going to grow up and realize she's too good for him?

But it doesn't matter, I tell him. What matters is that my daughter loves Tyler, and as much as she wants our approval, her choice in a companion isn't our decision. All I know is that she still comes home; still wants to come home — and she wants to bring her boyfriend with her. I want that, too.

"But her choice in a boyfriend or future mate can impact the rest of her life," he says. "I know we can't control that. I'm just waiting for her to start making better choices."

He's right, of course. But my kids — not unlike myself at any point throughout my young life — are determined to learn about life the hard way, and sometimes those are the best lessons, because they'll have really lived and given of themselves and had their hearts broken and their lives ruined only to get right back up and fight again and again and again. I also know that Tyler's not such a bad kid, he's just raised differently.

I invite Kate to join us for dinner, too. Between mouthfuls of taco, Kate asks Tyler all the questions her own father had asked her boyfriends over dinner.

"I don't care," she laughed. "I'll ask a bunch of questions till I'm satisfied, OK?" And she did: What do you do for a living? What are you studying in school? How old are you? What are your plans when you're done with college? How long have you two been dating?

We munched, talked, joked and laughed. Soon, Hännah lets her guard down and relaxes. After dinner, Tyler accepts a rare challenge from Sachi for several games of Mario Kart and Kirby. Hännah hangs out with Kate and me for some girl talk. It was nice. By the time they leave, several pleasant hours have passed, Tyler graciously concedes to an elated Sachi, and Hännah gives me a hug and a kiss.

"Thanks, Mom," she says happily. "Yeah, thanks a lot, Laurie," Tyler chirps. "It was really great!"

After they leave, Kate is thoughtful for a moment, then reports with a smile, "They're really cute. And he's not such a bad kid."

She's right, of course.

So, things didn't get off to a good start two years ago, whether it was poor judgment, knee-jerk reactions, embarrassment, over-inflated egos or sheer stupidity — still, at 19 years of age, kids aren't supposed to be smart, are they? I mean, didn't we all display poor judgment and stupidity when we were 19? Hell, some of us still do as adults.

"It would go a long way if he'd just apologize," Dane said in response to my after-dinner report.

Which only goes to show, there's hope for us all.